Most of the men I meet did not book counselling the first time they thought about it. They thought about it while lying awake at 2 a.m., or in the truck after a hard day, or after another argument at home went nowhere. Then they told themselves things would settle down, and they carried on — sometimes for months, sometimes for years.
Putting it off is one of the most common patterns I see. Here is why it happens, and what actually happens when a man finally walks through the door.
“I should be able to handle this myself”
Many men were raised on a simple message: work hard, provide, keep your problems to yourself. Asking for help can feel like admitting you have failed at something you were supposed to manage on your own.
But notice that we do not apply that logic anywhere else. If your truck needs transmission work, you take it to someone who knows transmissions. If your knee gives out, you see a physiotherapist. Counselling is closer to that than to giving up. It is a structured conversation with someone trained to help you see your situation clearly and decide what to do about it. Using a professional resource is not the opposite of self-reliance. Most men I work with are highly self-reliant — that is exactly why they are exhausted.
“I wouldn’t know what to say”
This one stops more men than almost anything else. The worry is that you will sit down, the counsellor will look at you, and you will have to produce an hour of feelings on demand.
That is not how it works. You do not need a speech, and you do not need to have your story organized. “Things have been stressful and I don’t really know where to start” is a perfectly good opening — I hear versions of it every week. Part of my job is asking the questions that help us find the thread. Some men talk easily once they start. Others need a few sessions before the real issue surfaces.
If you want a fuller picture of how I work with men, my page on men’s counselling in Abbotsford lays it out.
“I tried counselling once and it didn’t help”
A poor fit with one counsellor does not mean counselling itself is a dead end. Maybe the counsellor talked too much, or too little. Maybe it stayed vague when you needed something practical. Maybe you were not ready at that point in your life.
Fit matters, and so does honesty. A good counsellor would rather hear “this isn’t quite working for me” than have you quietly stop showing up. That is also why I offer a free consultation first — you can get a feel for me before you commit to anything.
“I don’t have the time or the money”
These are real constraints, not excuses, and I do not want to wave them away. Sessions are 50 minutes and cost $150.
A few practical things help. You do not need a referral from a doctor — you can book directly. I offer appointments in person at my Abbotsford office, and online or by phone across BC, so a session does not always mean a drive across town. Some men come weekly at first; others come every two weeks. And the first step, the consultation, is free — so you can decide whether this is worth your money before you spend any of it. My page of common questions about counselling, fees, and booking covers the details.
“I’m not sure where faith fits into this”
Because Sound Mind is a Christian practice, some men wonder whether every session will feel like a Bible study, or whether they will be preached at. Others have the opposite concern — they have been hurt by church and are wary of anything faith-based.
Here is the plain version: faith can be part of the conversation if you want it to be, and it is never imposed. Some of the men I see want prayer and Scripture woven into our work. Some are not sure what they believe anymore. Some simply want practical help from someone whose values they trust. All of that is welcome here. My page on faith-based counselling explains how I approach it.
What the first session is actually like
Let me take some of the mystery out of it, step by step.
Step one: the free consultation. Before any paid session, you can book a free 20-minute phone or video consultation. We talk briefly about what is going on, I explain how I work, and you can ask me anything. There is no pressure to book afterward. If I am not the right fit, I would rather you find that out in 20 free minutes.
Step two: before the first full session. If you decide to go ahead, you book a time that works — in person in Abbotsford, or online or by phone anywhere in BC. There is a small amount of intake paperwork, the usual kind: contact information, consent, and a few questions about what brings you in.
Step three: the session itself. A session lasts 50 minutes. We start with what has been happening lately and what made you decide to come now. I will ask questions — about stress, work, family, sleep, mood, and what you have already tried. You set the pace. You will not be asked to relive painful events in detail before you are ready, and you can decline any question. My aim in a first session is to understand your situation well enough that we can agree on what we are actually working on.
Step four: the end of the session. We wrap up with a brief summary and, where it makes sense, something concrete to notice or try before next time. Then you decide whether to book again. Some men leave knowing they will continue. Others take a week to think it over. Either is fine.
You don’t have to be at rock bottom
One last reason men wait: they think counselling is for a crisis, and they are “not that bad.” But most of the men I work with are functioning — holding down jobs, raising kids, showing up. They are just carrying more than they can sustain, and they know it. That is a legitimate reason to come. You do not need to qualify for help by falling apart first.
If you are in immediate crisis, please call or text 988 in Canada, or call 911.
If you are not in crisis but you are tired of carrying this alone, the next step is small on purpose. Book a free 20-minute consultation and we will simply talk. Twenty minutes, no cost, no obligation — just a conversation to find out whether this could help.
— Joshua Abercrombie, MA, RCC
Registered Clinical Counsellor, Abbotsford, BC
